at what point does optimism become masochism?

I’ve perpetually taking a break from dating or falling head over heels with the WRONG (engaged to two other women, still paying his ex’s rent, in it for a green card- the list goes on and on) man. There is seemingly no in between, and there is certainly a pattern. What am I really after and why is it so elusive? 

I’ve fallen back in love with aromi matte lipsticks. Or become reacquainted? super saturated  colors that wear and feel like a dream. 

These women. I can’t being to imagine fighting for a cause for 35+ years, the work that they’ve done and change that they’ve seen and one of their peers is about to change the world. The stories they tell. I’m such a fan. 
Bringing practical gifts. They can be fun, they can be thoughtful, but dear god- bring something useful. A person just shot out of your body- do you want balloons or a beer? That was a rhetorical question. 

Summer produce. Winter is coming. In February I want to know that I ate as many tomatoes as a could while it was still summer.