I abide by strict wine purchasing criteria and in the interest of educating the masses (my 17 followers) they are as follows:

• Is the label aesthetically pleasing? Bonus points if its in another language 
• Does it have an animal on it?
• Are free samples being offered?
• Less than $10 more than $5 (we’re trying to keep it classy!)
• Looks like it cost over $50
• Comes from California or even better Europe or South America 
• Does it have a screw top? The quicker you can open it the quicker you can drink it! 
• Corks work too, if you’re handy with a corkscrew. I for one love the ‘pop’ and pour with a flourish