If you’re having a hard time with women you could try being funnier/smarter/more handsome.
wisdom
I laughed, I cried, I agreed with the part about drummers…
Tina Fey’s prayer for her daughter
First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.
May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.
When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she…
The writer must be four people
1) The nut, the obsédé
2) The moron
3) The stylist
4) The critic
1 supplies the material; 2 lets it come out; 3 is taste; 4 is intelligence
A great writer has all 4— but you can still be a good writer with only 1 and 2; they’re most important.
Susan Sontag
Good Friends/Best Friends
Good friends help you look when you lose one of your contacts.
Best Friends put your contacts in your eyes for you because you just chopped serrano peppers and it burns if you do it yourself. And your eye makeup is so cute you can’t bear to wear glasses! And the party is about to start!
Father Daughter Conversations
Dad (arriving early morning): Hey, are there any guys here?
Me (unnecessarily panicked and feeling very 16): What? No! It’s early!
Dad: Oh. Shit. Will there be guys here later?
Me: Probably… Why?
Dad: Oh, I have heavy things to move and I only have daughters.
it made me realize how much i never want to go to england
cold hearted PG on the Royal Wedding
the dimples aren’t so bad, either
dear adam levine,
if you keep biting your lip like that, i’ll keep watching “the voice”.
love,
b
things change; things stay the same
Girls Night 2004: 21 year olds shaking it to Usher on bars
Girls Night 2011: 2 year olds shaking it to Cold War Kids on the deck
Lots of love connections are made at Coachella!
Lily Aldrich (on her meeting fiancé Caleb Followill)
Yet another reason to go! Coachella 2012
Let me tell you something. I spent a year and a half getting health care passed. I had to take that issue across the country and I paid significant political costs to get it done. The notion that I am going to let you guys undo that in a 6-month spending bill, I said “you want to repeal health care? Go at it. We’ll have that debate” You’re not going to be able to do that by nickel-and-diming me in the budget. You think we’re stupid?
Barack Obama (via soupsoup)
funny stories/happy endings 