S: Brannon, how come it’s dishonest to go in the pool at break when I’m not thirteen but it’s not dishonest to sneak snacks and sodas into the movies?

me: (momentarily stumped) well, the movies are a corporation and the pool is a non-profit; it’s okay to cheat corporations!

Your problem is you pick the wrong guys. You need to get a nice Harley guy, I got you a Harley sticker to put on your car so a cute Harley guy will see you and chase you down. I’m going to get you a Harley tee-shirt at our next stop!

Karen Con aka Mommy Dearest on my love life (given four days into her motorcycle trip)